Woman in love with a gay man

I know it doesn't sound like a problem: "You're a man and you're obsessed with women? Have you considered running for president?!

I'm a Woman Who's Sleeping With a Gay Man (Yes, He's Still Gay)

Of course, according to public perception of a gay man's official responsibilities, loving women is just my bedazzled cross to bear, the GBFF phenomenon being well documented, if only in its most base terms: Let's go shopping! You are so skinny right now, like, I'm nervous for you!

In each other, both parties find a supposed emotional haven. It's like dancing three feet apart at a seventh-grade sock hop: They're touching, but at arm's length; they're slow dancing, but he knows all the woman in love with a gay man to "Greatest Love of All. But here's where my problem becomes a problem.

For me, there's been a significant gray area between loving women as a gay man and just plain loving women. And the problem with that is I've made it a problem for everyone else, too. For most of my life, my heart and my penis have been on strained speaking terms, like separated parents too religious to divorce.

Before I came out, I tried desperately to force my organs to align, even losing my virginity to a girl who, as I boasted to my straight brothers, "looked just like Barbie! Losing it to a dude. Suddenly, the female relationships that had been oddly tense due to my inability to consummate anything more than a "cuddle party" were remedied by three simple words: I.

Finally, I felt free, empowered, and, for the first time in my life, like I truly knew who I was. Then I met Serena Merriman. She was one of 16 strangers in an acting class I took my first year after college. My eyes went straight past my hot male classmates, all presumably very gay, to Serena, with her lion's mane of golden curls, her mischievous grin, her chic style.

She looked like Grace Kelly in a wind tunnel. Apparently the curiosity was mutual. One day I was alone; the next, there was Serena. She ran with a fast and fabulous crowd, hosting decadent parties at her parents' East Village loft, which sat right above The Cock, a seedy gay bar.

These events attracted a who's who of I'm-beautiful-and-have-a-potential-drinking-problem types. And much to my surprise, she'd told them all about me. A familiar scene began to play out: People would saunter over, eight vodkas deep, and slur, "Serena loves you, you know that, right?

Not like that. Cleaning off my Duckie Browns in the bathroom, I'd think, why not like that? Why can't I love her like that? Serena knew I was gay, but as we became more enchanted with each other, I privately began to use less and less obvious language to define my sexuality with her.

Maybe I was bisexual, maybe I was trisexual, maybe I was a tricycle. I had no idea what I was other than in love with her. Couldn't love transcend gayness? Couldn't my heart have a heart-to-heart with my anatomy? After most parties, she and I would fall asleep spooning, wearing earplugs to drown out the relentless noise of The Cock.

But one night, when the music was so loud neither of us could sleep, we sat tangled on the couch piecing together the night's sordid events, and I decided to test myself.